Provocations

The small stuff

Quote for the ages:

When you get older, you don't sweat the small stuff because you can no longer see it.  - Jeffrey Newman

Humour: Teacher arrested at JFK airport

On the lighter side - by e-mail from a friend; author unknown:

NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was arrested today at John Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president.

Alberta's Klein doesn't listen to Gore's view on oilsands because Gore's a Democrat

We've had two funny posts and one serious. This one's funny and serious. Extracted quotes from an article in CNews:

Comments on the Alberta oilsands and global warming by Al Gore and Ralph Klein (premier of Alberta):

Gore: For every barrel of oil they extract there, they have to use enough natural gas to heat a family's home for four days.  . . . And they have to tear up four tonnes of landscape, all for one barrel of oil. It is truly nuts. But you know, junkies find veins in their toes. It seems reasonable, to them, because they've lost sight of the rest of their lives.

Klein: I don't know what he proposes the world run on, maybe hot air. I don't listen to Al Gore in particular because he's a Democrat. And not only that, he's about as far left as you can go. The simple fact is America needs oil. They need gas. And unless he can find some other source, fine.

At the risk of influencing your assessment of who sounds more credible, I should mention that the same article reminds us that Klein has been quoted as saying that "global warming trends that occurred millions of years ago may have been caused by 'dinosaur farts.'"

Yes, it's a speeding Irish hearse! - and other funny stories

For those of you drop in here from time to time and have the impression that my focus is generally serious, I seem to be on a light streak now. Here's my latest light one, also from Wikinews:

July 8, 2006
A hearse driver in County Donegal, Ireland was pulled over while leading a funeral procession, in a police crackdown on speeding. John Carr was clocked driving at 69km/h (43 miles/hour) in a 50km/h zone and fined 80 euros and two penalty points were added to his driving record.
Read the rest of the story

If you like this kind of funny-but-true stuff, check out:

• Church Bulletins
• Dumb Criminals
• Lost in Translation

Pro life?

Political comment for today:

In 2005, Americans had to face the sad realization that the Bush Administration's "pro-life" stance appears to be limited to the unborn and the brain-dead.  - "Swami Beyondananda."

The Bermuda Triangle - disappeared?

Question of the day:

We don't hear much these days about the Bermuda Triangle. Has it disappeared?
(with acknowledgement to Craig Ferguson)

Kerry Unger is funny

If you live in Canada, watch out for this guy live or on tv. He is funny. I just watched him on CTV - on-stage for an hour - and he is funny and unforced and real. At the end he seemed fresh enough for another hour and I would have happily sat through it.

He's not big on tech though so the best of a web site I could find doesn't work properly. Therefore I think I'm doing him a favour by reproducing the essentials of the page right here. I'm sure he wouldn't notice anyway because he claims to keep all his documents backed up in a big cardboard box, complete with live mouse that once had a virus but is OK now.  And, if you're his agent (seems unlikely), tell me where I can watch some of his stuff online and I'll take this down and replace it with a link (not the one at the end of this piece).

Kerry Unger is really good at stand up comedy. Therefore, he doesn't need to pen a ridiculously exaggerated biography about how great he is and how he's sure to accomplish incredible things and become a mega-star. Blah blah blah. That's what they all say.  Kerry doesn't need to resort to all that nonsense.  He's down to earth. He can admit that he is a poorly-dressed slacker that sleeps past eleven most days. The important thing is, he's funny. He's willing to concede that he is, in many respects, quite a bone-head. He can't "schmooze" to save his life, can't "network" at all; heck, he hardly ever even answers his phone. Yet put the guy on a stage and he's a hoot. He's also quite handsome,  in a goofball sort of way.
 
Kerry Unger has quite a list of credits to his credit (You should hope so after doing comedy for nearly a decade). He has appeared at the Just For Laughs Festival in Montreal (who hasn't?), he's been on the Mike Bullard Show (some other guest cancelled), and he's written for and starred on a bunch of low budget, Canadian programs that nobody ever watched (have you even heard of  Gutterball Alley?). He's also been featured in Reader's Digest (For his comedy, not because he was trapped under a tractor for three days, although that happened too). Kerry has toured all over Canada back and forth about a zillion times.

To sum up, if you're the kind of human who likes hyped up, repetitive, top 40 comedy, check out  those wacky sitcoms. If, however, you want to laugh like hell at some really funny jokes, take a look at Kerry Unger, the irreverent, unpretentious, lanky tower of hilarity! Or, visit his website at: www.ohcomeon-everycomichasawebsiteandtheyrealllame.com

September, 2009: Found on YouTube:

For some online laughs, check out:

• Lost in Translation
• Church Bulletins
• Dumb Criminals

Bill Maher - video clips from his HBO show

Bill Maher was banished from his previous show because he wasn't politically correct in his comments on the September 11 attacks. Not having access to his new home on HBO, I miss his sharp humour. So I was glad to find this video clip collection online.

Canada and Bush win 2005 World Stupidity Awards

On July 22 at The Montreal International Comedy Festival, the 2005 World Stupidity Awards were presented. Among the winners were Canada (stupidest government) for  its performance in the "sponsorship scandal" and George Bush for the stupidest statement: "They never stop thinking of ways of harming America, and neither do we."

Report

Bogotá Mayor Antanas Mockus

The mayor of Bogotá is an agent of change. We in British Columbia think Vancouver's mayor, Larry Campbell, is pretty cool for supporting the provision of safe injection sites. Bogotá Mayor Antanas Mockus takes on major challenges in a city with five times Vancouver's population - and probably a far smaller budget. For example:

When there was a water shortage, Mockus appeared on TV programs taking a shower and turning off the water as he soaped, asking his fellow citizens to do the same. In just two months people were using 14 percent less water, a savings that increased when people realized how much money they were also saving because of economic incentives approved by Mockus; water use is now 40 percent less than before the shortage.

He launched a "Night for Women" and asked the city's men to stay home in the evening and care for the children; 700,000 women went out on the first of three nights that Mockus dedicated to them.

Another Mockus inspiration was to ask people to call his office if they found a kind and honest taxi driver; 150 people called and the mayor organized a meeting with all those good taxi drivers, who advised him about how to improve the behaviour of mean taxi drivers. The good taxi drivers were named "Knights of the Zebra," a club supported by the mayor's office.

I won't spoil all the fun, read the details for yourself. This is encouraging stuff.